1 Month 2 my BirthDay

Can't believe it, only one month i will turn 20.Sigh....! Suprisingly,i do not feel anything about my coming birthday,as wellas this coming xmas and new year.Wat happen to me?Am i dead?The xmas only 2 days away but yet,i dun feel the anticipation and don't have any plan for that day.Maybe the one i loved most is not celebrating with me.So sad,i've been always dreaming that xmas and new year,my loved one will be beside me but...haihz....
Lately,i just feeling empty and lost.Just waiting alonge for the day to come,over the sea and far away,i'm just waiting like an iceberg...waiting da chance to change but i'm cold inside an d i wanna to b like the water.All the muscles tighten in my face,bury my soul in one embrace,they're one an the same just like water.I fel that my realtionship wit my lover jsut like fire fades away,almost everyday,is full of tired excuses but it's to hard to say,i wish it were simple but we're give up easily,youre close enoguh to see that,you're the other side of the world to me.
I don't know what happen to our relaitonship.Yes,i still love her very much but it's only love.We like came from different side of the wrold.We have only countable of interests..but i try to follow her interests.Never thought, when she not around i will become like this,maybe i'm too selfish but i really wanna spend this half year wit her as we do not have much this chance like this as i will going off for my education.Why u have to go so far away....now both of us feeling lonely and lost..i dun like being lonely.i just wanna be with u.I'm really empty here