I don;t want to see me as i don't think that they understand

Yesterday i was hang out with friend of mine in the edu fair.It was pretty krewl as i saw many of ex classmates.They still look hot haha.
On the other hand, have you ever feel that u sit at the sofa and look at da ceiling that this world is so miserable.You just wanna take a gun and pull da trigger right on your forehead.Yeah..i feeling this lately.I know i should not have this feeling as it will lead to emotional breakdown again.But i really can't help it.Sometimes i really do feel to say bye bye to this world as this problem it just in front of me,everyday i wake up...sigh...
Dude,i really feel very tired mentally and physically.I really wanna take an ultimate rest......How could this happen to me?Why me?
Many people will see me as happy go lucky guy,but i can assure you that i'm not.I know tyra Banks once said that" don;t be a victim from disappoinment but you have to learn from it"..it is very tough.